-Mark Twain

Public Speaking has been my nemesis for as long as I can remember. The anxiety that I experienced when forced to give a speech was debilitating. As a child, I would stand in front of my class physically and emotionally frozen as a voice in my head screamed “You’re an imposter!” 

Two years into my first therapist position, I was asked to give a speech to 50 people at a community event. I decided to tell my employer that my brother had suddenly died and that I would have to miss the event in order to attend his funeral. However, I soon realized that if avoided that speech I would be running from public speaking for the rest of my life. I spent two months preparing for my speech; six panic attacks, four crying phone calls to friends, and eight therapy sessions later, I delivered it and it was a success. 

Ten years later, I embrace the challenges of public speaking as I regularly speak to audiences of hundreds of people at corporate trainings, professional conferences, and community events. I enjoy these experiences as my anxiety has been replaced with excitement, exhilaration, and pride. 

Here are a few tips that helped me and may help you to conquer your fear of public speaking: 

1. Be realistic about your audience’s expectations. 

What are the expectations of your audience? Do they expect you to give a perfect speech? Are they critiquing your every word? 

Most likely, such high expectations are your expectations, not those of your audience. Perfection is unrealistic, and assuming that your audience expects perfection can cause you unnecessary anxiety. 

Try this: identify your own expectations of public speakers. Are you critiquing their every word, or are you focusing on the information that you need to absorb? Are you paying attention the entire time, or do you drift off now and then? When the speaker messes up, do you remain focused on that part of their speech, or do you refocus quickly? 

Exploring your own expectations of public speakers may help you identify the more realistic expectations that your audience is likely to have of you. 

It’s important that you feel confident in your knowledge of the material that you are presenting or in the speech that you are giving. Spend a good deal of time learning your material so that you truly, confidently know it. When learning, it’s important to embrace your personal style(s) of learning. 

Not everyone learns the same way. The three main types of learning styles are visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), and kinesthetic (doing). Get to know your material by embracing your learning style (and by combining styles if needed). 

Here are a few ideas: if you’re a visual learner, video record your speech and watch it, and use visuals in your speech as a way to communicate your material to your audience. If you’re an auditory learner, audio record your speech and listen to it, and also listen to others who have given similar speeches. If you’re a kinesthetic learner, practice your speech multiple times and integrate body movements into your speech such as hand gestures and postures. 

Anxiety can cause you to self-sabotage by not adequately preparing for your speech, which in turn creates more anxiety. Gradually exposing yourself to the act of public speaking can break you out of such a vicious cycle and help manage your anxiety.  

For example, if you have to give a speech at work, you might practice it in these steps: 

- Step 1: Practice your speech in your head without saying a word out loud. 

- Step 2: Practice your speech out loud when you’re alone in a non-professional setting. 

- Step 3: Practice your speech alone in the same environment that you are planning to give it or in a similar professional environment. 

- Step 4: Give your speech to one person who is a member of your support system, someone you trust and with whom you feel safe.  

- Step 5: Give your speech to two people in your support system.

- Step 6: Give your speech to a work colleague in a non-professional setting. 

- Step 7: Give your speech to two colleagues in a non-professional setting. 

- Step 8: Give your speech in front of your audience. 

Throughout this systematic process of practicing your speech, you will likely feel anxious, but your anxiety will likely feel more manageable than it would if you simply jumped into it. Also, consider asking for constructive feedback from your colleagues and from members of your support system.  

It’s difficult for your mind to experience anxiety when your body is calm. Therefore, if you can calm your body, your mind will likely follow. Use body calming interventions before, during, and after practicing your speech. 

There are many body-focused calming interventions that you can use. Here are a few:

• Diaphragmatic breathing.

• Progressive muscle relaxation.

• Physical grounding. 

• EMDR resource self-tapping. 

• Meditation body scans. 

How many famous speeches include moments of silence? Most (if not all) do. Silence is a necessary part of every speech.  

When a speaker is rushing or rushed, it can be difficult for the audience to keep up and absorb the information being presented. Time and space are needed for an audience to collect, understand, and reflect upon the material that is shared. Your audience will appreciate your ability to embrace silence. 

Silence also provides you opportunities to take a breath, refocus, and pace yourself. When you practice your speech, intentionally stop speaking for 2-5 seconds throughout your speech in order to emphasize your main ideas and to ease transitions. If you need something to do, try taking a drink of water, take a couple of breaths, or look ahead at the material that’s coming up. 

Are you assuming that something will go wrong during your speech? Such an unfounded assumption can cause you anxiety. Instead, try to imagine that your speech is either a success or at least an average performance. Visualizing this can help your brain embrace success and/or an average showing as a possibility, which can decrease your anxiety.

When visualizing a successful or adequate performance, trying using all your senses. Focus on images, sounds, smells, tastes, and physical feelings that are associated with a successful or average performance. For example, you can imagine the sound of people clapping, the sight of your audience smiling, and a physical feeling of calmness in your body. 

Get your Free eBook: 25 Anxiety & Trauma Coping Hacks